Dear Everyone,

Well, I was just lookin' over my web site.  And despite a coupl'a typos (A-HEM, Momma Bomma, we need to look PROFESSIONAL, here!), and dead links (DITTO, Mother!), everything else was coolio.  Not only that, but frankly, it was crackin' me up!  The only question I have is -- WHERE ARE MY TRUSTY FANS?  Why aren't y'all writin' to me?  I've been faithfully and earnestly checking my email EVERY DOGGONE DAMN DAY (A-HEM, phineasthedog@yahoo.com), but only the die-hardest of fans have been writing me there!  (And for that, you get a shout-out, Riley and RedGuy.)  But what the heck happened to the rest of y'all???!?!?

I think the numero uno resolution-o that you gotta put on your list is:  E-MAIL YOUR FAVORITE NEWSLETTER-WRITING DOG.

I mean what the heck is wrong with you guys?  I'm disappointed, to say the least.  Terribly, terribly disappointed.  You know what, fans?  When I'm on Oprah or Letterman or Conan or whoever's the hottest at the moment when my fame-star explodes IN YOUR FACE, and they ask me about the quote-unquote "little people," I'm gonna hafta say, "Huh?  'Scuse me, Oprah/Dave/Mr.O'Brien, but what 'little people?'"  I refuse to acknowledge any "little people" helping me get to where I am today.  Everyone always gets on these shows and thanks their fans, saying "it wouldn't be possible without them."  Well, bah-humbug to that!  I'm gonna get me on a show and say, "I did it ALL BY MY FREAKIN' SELF!"  Fans?  PA-shaw!!!  WHAT EVAH!

Yeah, I'm a bit disgruntled.

But I mean, c'mon!  In this day and age of electronic technology, how hard is it to type a few nonsense words (I mean, heck, I'm a DOG -- my command of the english language is less than stellar) and hit SEND?????  Talk about L-A-Z-Y.  Forget tryin' to lose those 20 holiday pounds.  If you can't even get off your can and hit SEND, how realistically is it that you're goin' to the gym 4 days a week?  (Shhhaa, right.)

Okay, lecture's over.

Actually, I'm not really all that peeved at not getting fan mail.  As Dr. Phil would say, I must be upset about something else and supressing it, only to spew it out in a bitter tirade all over my wonderful readership.  I'm sorry, everyone, for my eTantrum.  I hope you'll forgive me.

Maybe I'm upset about all the tsunami victims.  Those poor dogs!  (Not to mention their human mums and dads.)  You know what?  I think I'll include a link right here in my newsletter for people to click on if they wanna help those souls over in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Thailand, India and the Maldives (the who?).

I don't know what I'd do without my family, especially MommaBomma and Unkel Wessie.  You know what?  I love you guys.  In fact, I love ALL of you reading this (or at least like a lot).  Go out and tell someone you love them (or at least like a lot).  Life's too short!

Well, I was gonna write about the pet pig I promised y'all back in November's newsletter, but I figured the "Get-Off-Your-Butt" lecture and tsunami link took precedence.  But I'll try to include the pig in February's edition (depending what other newsworthy events pop up in my life between now and then).

Until next time,