Dear Everyone Who Counts In This World,

Greetings!  (And if you're reading this on March 17th, Happy Evacuation Day!)

First off, I'd like to offer a hearty welcome to any new subscribers of my illustrious newsletter, aptly titled "My Newsletter."  Though I'm not the type of fella to toot my own horn, lemme just say that this is the best thing you'll read.  EVER.  Or at the very least, you should find it somewhat "in-fur-mutt-ive."  (Sorry, I just HAD to do that.)

Second, I'd like to let you how things are going with my new girlfriend, the star of the highly acclaimed critics' darling "Dog Judo."  (For those of you who missed the clip in last month's newsletter, luckily this month I'm re-running it, for a limited time only.)  Though I'm not the type of fella to kiss & tell, lemme just say that things are going VERY WELL.

Now, I know you received last month's newsletter very, VERY recently, so I'll try not to overload you with Phineas-related stories and anecdotes (as amusing as they are).  Instead, as previously advertised, I intend to offer you, Dear Reader, something that has never been incorporated in past editions of "My Newsletter."  Namely, a piece of actual news.

I am proud to announce the official unveiling of the much-anticipated line of Phineas Photo Greeting Cards!  (Granted, they're a little egotistical, but hey, if you were as dashingly handsome as me, you'd make cards of yourself too!)  Anyway, it turns out that last month I went over my allotted word count and my editor threw a bit of a nutty.  (Chill out, Mom!)  So in the interest of saving space, I will cut to the chase and unleash the cards without further ado:

The 4x6 photos are framed in an ivory border (not shown here), resulting in a 5x7 card.  All the cards are blank inside.

To order these cards, you can either click HERE or go to www.phineasthedog.com and click on "GREETING CARDS" on the left side.  Hurry, while supplies last!

However, if you're lucky enough to live in Massachusetts, (particularly on the South Shore,) Phineas Photo Greeting Cards are coming to AN ACTUAL STORE  near you!  As this newsletter goes to press, Barkley's (in Jonathon Livingston Square on Route 3A in Cohasset, 781-383-9639) and Bookport (21 Main St in Hingham Square, 781-749-2670) will be carrying our debut line of cards.  And as my mom works her way down the alphabet, our cards will (hopefully) be gracing the counters of other stores as well -- perhaps even some that don't begin with "B."

Look for the cards in stores by the end of the month.

Now, if you don't happen to live in the vicinity of Barkley's or Bookport, not to fret.  As the cards become available elsewhere, Mom has PROMISED ME that she'll keep an up-to-date listing of stores that carry them in the "GREETING CARDS" section of my Web site.  So be sure to check back often!  (It'll make the work day go by so much faster.)

And finally, this is a bit off topic, but it must be addressed (for fear of angering the mob that is my ever-growing fan base).  Many readers have written in asking if I'm ever gonna explain the whole pot-bellied pig dealie that I mentioned in both the November and January Newsletters.  (It turns out you guys read these newsletters more carefully than I thought!)  Don't you worry, Dear Readers.  The pig, in all its squeaking glory, will be thoroughly explained.  All in good time, my friends.

Until next month,

PS -- HOLY CRAP.  In my card-promoting frenzy, I completely forgot to plug the most important day of the year -- March 26th.  For those of you who need a little help, this momentous day is. . .  MY BIRTHDAY.  (I know, I know.  You guys were the same peeps who couldn't figure out what FTL was in the last newsletter.  God love ya.)  Anyway, what would be a more fitting present for me (Phineas) than a Phineas Photo Birthday Card?

Oh YEAH, baby. . .