Hi-o Everybody!

I bet you thought ol' Phineas dropped off the face of this here planet, huh?  No, but I DID drop the ball*, I know.  And the honest to dog truth of the matter is that I probably wouldn't be writing this even now, if it wasn't for the fact that my birthday is oh-so-quickly approaching.  I'm sure my devoted and loyal fans already have the Special Day marked on their calendarios, but just in case there are new readers who are just now tuning in, my birthday is SUNDAY, MARCH 26th.  Momma Bomma said I can't monopolize this edition with a long list of birthday presents, so I'll just say I'm registered at PetCo and leave it at that.

Oh, and I'm also registered at Toyota, Honda, and Volkswagon.  (Being that I got my license -- since I'm turning The Big Oh Six, I thought it was finally time -- I figure what better present to get than a car???)

Anyway.  Since it's been so long since I last wrote, I have much to divulge.  A few months ago a new dog, Sassafras, came into my life.  At first I was quite excited about the prospect of having a new friend to play with.  But I learned all-too-quickly that she wasn't the playin' kinda gal.  No sirreee bob.  She was more like the devil incarnate kinda gal.

As you know, Dear Readers, I am not one to bad mouth a fellow canine.  However, as I said before, Sassy isn't a dog -- she's the devil disguised as a dog.  She doesn't let me play with my squeaky toys, she steals my cookies, she guards my food and water bowls at supper time, and she growls at me all the time.  Honestly, I'm at my wits end. No playing, eating, drinking, or well, breathing the wrong way.  So, if any of you reading this have any suggestions whatsoever as to how to cope with living with the devil, please EMAIL ME.

In more recent news, it seems as though MommaBomma and the Devil's Dad (a.k.a., My Friend Deaff) are trying to buy a dog house for me.  I had no idea they built dog houses so big, but when I asked MommaBomma about this, she said it's not just for me to live in but for her and Deaff too.  I guess that's okay, since occasionally I'll be needing someone to open the supper cans for me, and to drive me to the dog park once in a while.  I can only hope the Devil isn't gonna be moving in with us, but I have a sneaking suspicion she is.

Drats.

I've got lots more to telL you gUys, partiCularlY about a special someone that I've met recently.  However, we only had one date -- and a kinda sorta scary one at that -- so I don't really wanna spill the pinto beans just yet.  But if all goes well on our second date, I'll be sure to give my inquiring readers more dirt in my next newsletter.

Signing off,

* P.S.  Yes, mint-flavored tennis balls are a rather insulting birthday present.  I mean, talk about a not-so-subtle hint!  If you want me to brush my teeth, just ask!   ;-)